Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

Darling, it’s time to wake up. Yes, it’s a bit early, I know it already, Aunt Shirley tells me every single day. She comes to see if I sleep almost every hour! And she can’t stop pretending to worry about me… but I know… I know you’re the only one who truly care about me in this world. But I don’t really care… As you know I exist, it’s okay. You’re the only one to count, do you know? I need you and you only. I moan as you’re far from me… it’s such a painful things, you know… I stopped to sleep, I can’t close my eyes. Deamons swallow me in my sleeps… they turn my dreams into nightmares… I morn you, my love… I need your aura to sleep in peace… you make me the best of myself…

Talking about my Aunt, she came in a few minutes ago. And, after her repeat that I should get some rest, she asked me something… strange… do you remember the letter she received for me, two years ago? It was my coming-home-anniversary… it was a letter from France, from a friends of her named Edward D’Hombre… it was talking about boarding school, in France, for strange child… In this time, we said we wasn’t interested… but… Aunt Shirley came back this morning, as the sun came in the room. She asked me if… if that would bother me to go there… I… I feel like she tries to push me away… like she don’t want me anymore… Do you think she’s mad at me… you know… about you, going alone in Germany? I hope it’s not about that… I can’t help but think about it… she may think I’m a monster… I mean… She really seems to… want me away from hers daughters…

I don’t know what to answer, as you’re not there to tell me. You’re supposed to guide me into my life, I’m not ready to take care of my own… I really need you… I deeply need you… I… I don’t know who else can hear it… I’m afraid… I’ve never been at school before, not a single day. I always had that stuff at home, even when it was Mom’s home… I… I don’t know how it is, to be surrounded by children’s I don’t know, to have everyone but you around… I…  I’m afraid… I feel kind of lost… I don’t want to go in France, not alone. You love this country! It’s supposed to be for you… so… why aren’t you there? Plus, everyone ever told me that school was full of danger. And, even though Mister D’Hombre is your mother’s friends, I can’t help but fear it as death. I’d rather be in your position. May I refuse? May she even consider the fact I can refuse? I guess she don’t care…

I don’t want to go there… I’ll try to convince her to let me wait for you… I know she’ll never allow me to join you in Germany but, at least, I want to stay in our home… I don’t feel ready to leave it know…

Lot of Love, your dear cousin.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

Hello, you. How are you feeling? I can’t stop asking myself: do you eat properly? Are you awake? Do you sleep well? Is anything painful around you? I want to know everything. Make me know as fast as you can, okay? Your love is missing you, and she’s worrying a lot.

I had an earl grey with scone, this morning tea. It tasted like our tea time in the garden, last winter. Christmas is coming. You missed Halloween, don’t tell me you’ll also miss Christmas. Everyone want you there! Your mom can’t stop to tell stories about you. Your sisters do it as well. Even our stepfather can’t help but follow. It felt so good, in our perfect picture family, until you fall… Then, you’re suddenly gone away… I know it’s only for a time… I know you stay in Europe… but… I feel like you’re too far from me…

I took my tea in my room, in front of my window, with your face all around me. That hurts to see you, when I know I’ll not touch you until month… maybe… maybe less, I hope, but maybe more, I fear… I can’t stay close to your Mom, that time… I mean… Since you left us… She… she sees you in me… and… her eyes… it’s just like Mommy eyes… I’m afraid to… you know… hurt her a bit too much… I’m afraid that, one day, she’ll not be able to bear your picture anymore… I don’t want to take your Mom away, Roydon, I don’t want to do anything that could hurt you but… I can’t control it… May I… May I agree and go away…? She told me it was for the best… I will think harder… and then, I’ll tell you… but be sure to know, I’m only asking to have you back. That all that matters… everything else is “for a time”… It doesn’t count at all…

Love, Sally.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

Dear Cousin,

We’re already the middle of the day, can you believe it? I barely not touched my lunch. As you’re away, I really don’t know what to do. I tried to eat half a plate, because you once told me that I’ll always be allowed to eat as mush. But, every mouth was harder. It was the same way everything was always a bit harder, every minute I spent away from you. So, I stopped in the middle of the lunch, and asked Aunt Shirley to flee the table. She agreed, of course. She still tries to have me away from her. I hurt her, with my simple existence. Isn’t it ironic, knowing she’s one of the last person that don’t consider me as a monster…? I want you back…

Your sisters were both in school, today. But I, like everyday, was supposed to study with the dumb miss Loam. She tried to make me learn some mathematics and some physics, I guess, but I couldn’t get any of her words, as all my thoughts were for you. Your missing’s heavy, honey. I feel… a little bit better, as I know you can hear my heart, through you mother’s notebook. That’s why I use it every day, six time a day.

But now, since my days are all the same sorrow, I don’t know what to say. I feel like hope have been swallowed by… a dark and violent stuff… like a thunderstorm or something… well… it’s a bit freaky, isn’t it? I prefer to tell you about sunny things. But, even in the weather, there is not much sun, you know…

I hope I’ll find something enjoyable for our afternoon tea.
Write you soon
Kind regards
Your love.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

My love,

I still in my room, like in a jail. I look through the window, the snowy street are hidden behind your face, and a grey mist. I know it’s created by the cold on the glass, but I’m still afraid to see this mist on you, like a shroud. You know… the simple idea you should not be immortal is petrifying me… It feels like death… not only your death, I mean… I can’t live without you… I need to hear your voice again.

This afternoon tea was green, with fruits. Lea said it didn’t taste really good. I know you always considered her mind about tea like true. I mean… She’s good to taste tea… She also said that mom and I had the same wish : have you back. Ginny looked as sad as usual. She said she missed you. Aunt Shirley seemed mad at her, because she said really bad things, like “you always pushed him away” or “you were the worst sister the world ever knew”. I guess she really miss you, because she immediately burst into cries. She looked at me… with that mommy eyes… I finally fled… I’m sorry… That’s not polite to leave the table with no invitation but… The way she looked at me… you’ve never seen her look at me this way, I swear…

I’ve punished me well, of course. I still the best Child I can be, I swear. I’ll keep your memory in my heart, and my body will follow your rules. There is no other way. I love you. I’ll ever be your own. So, please, come and take me. I’m your things. What’s a doll without her player? I need you to become real… you’re the only one to be able to see my face and… no face, no being. I’m not without you. I wait you to brings me back to something, your things.

I miss you, Sally

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

Good Evening, my dear.

The dinner was as sad as the lunch. It’s scary to know why… Aunt Shirley can’t stop staring at me every time…
Today, she called me “sweet heart”, as I cleared the table. I understood in this verry moment : she talked to you. She never call me like that, anyway… it’s always “honey” or “dear niece”, things like that. You’re the “love”, the “sweet heart”, the “angel”… she loves you as much as she want me away, you know. She asked me to return to my room again. I don’t get out of this charming room, that time, but to eat. That’s hard to have you away. And it’s start to be harder, now I understand that everyone thinks that it’s my fault. I did this. I pushed you away. They all tell this, with their eyes… I guess they are right but… I need you to know… come and tell me, will you? I wish you will… I want you to tell me… what happened? Was it about your power? Was it about someone else’s power? Who did this? Is it about me? I want to know… I wait for myself to revenge you. I need a revenge. I need a guilty one, someone to hurt. I need someone to be as hurt as I am. I need someone to cry my tears… that tears that are locked into me… I mean… not the one which fall on my cheek all day long… but the tears inside, made as blade, to sharp my heart… the tears you put into me…

I miss you, sincerely. I want you to find me back, to bring me back to a sanity pain, to hurt me like you always do, to hit me, to make you feel better…
How are you? Is there anyway I can know it? I feel like there is a link between us, a red string, something stronger than your sick. I feel like I am supposed to feel you… can you understand it? I haven’t talked about it to anyone… I know lying is bad. I’m sorry. I’m afraid of this… You should be the one to tell me : is it right to tell Aunt Shirley? Come back soon, I’ll tell you everything, I promise on this notebook.

Your own doll,
Sally.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

Good night, my love.

I’m wearing my night clothes. I lie in my bed, peacefully, crying and yearning you. My blanket lie on me. My room is closed in a ghoulish silence… It feels like everything is yearning, everything is touched, deeply, as you’re gone. Your journey in Germany seems to be long, isn’t it? I need to feel you closer… I need to hear your heart beat against my cheek, to feel your breath on my neck… I need to hear your scream, to feel your hit… I need to have you by my side, my love. I need you. I want you to come back to me, to make me be.

I tried to ask Aunt Shirley to stay at home… she answered so badly… she wanted me to come back to my room, to stay there until she find me a safe place in this boarding school. She told me that Saint François should become the home I can’t find anywhere else… I don’t want it to be real… I don’t want to go away from your home… I don’t know why your Mother hates me… but I guess it comes out natural… you know… everyone hates me, at the end…

I’m glad I had you, even for a short time.
I love you more than myself.
I madly want you back.
Sally.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

Good Morning, my dear.

Sun is lazy, in winter. Night stays for hours after I got out of my bed. It should be scary, should it? Bu, as I’m watching at your face on the window, nothing car strike me. I betrayed you… is that so? Is it the reason why I’m punished? Is that why you’re so far from me? I love you… I don’t want to be away any more… I want to have you by my side… tell me the right way to chastise me, I’ll do whatever please you, you know… I’ll be your verry own doll, your punching bag, your scapegoat. I’ll let you make me… whatever you want. I beg you… come back.

Even if my room is locked in the dark, I can see your face everywhere. I once told you I was cursed, you tried to deny but… right now, I feel like a curse… I don’t know when I could have betrayed you. I made everything just as you wanted… so… why am I punished? It has to be a curse… I would never betray you! I love you! I’ve never loved anyone this way! I… I would do anything to bring you back… command me like you always do… I’m waiting for you… Give me something… Please… I beg you on my knees… don’t leave me like mom did…

I hope you can hear me in your mind, like you always do.
I love you.
Sally.

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My love,

Do you take tea time, in Germany? I was asking myself, as Aunt Shirley brought me my tea… I didn’t touched it… I can bear to see you everywhere… it’s to hard not to be able to touch you, even to hear you… I can’t and it’s breaking me… I miss you too mush… it hurts… my heart is going to break… it’s going to be turned into sand… if I don’t see you soon, I’ll not be able to exist, even in front of you… you know I can’t be without you. No Face No Being…

I was working on my homeworks, when I found it on my drawer… we made it together… I can’t bear my reflect anymore… I hided my windows, covered my desk, and everything that could reflect your face. Aunt Shirley removed all my mirrors. I broke my phone. I don’t need it if I can’t call you. I can’t do this for ever. She said it was for a while, and you know her. If I have to see this fake you all day… it’s driving me insane! I’ll not be able to breathe! I’ll join mom! I’ll do everything like she did. I can get why she left me, now… I’m a monster, Roydon… My power is going to kill me if you don’t come back and save me… I need you more than I ever did…

Love me like I love you… Hate me like I hate me… I don’t care! Come back! If you want to hurt me longer, you’ll need me alive, will you? So, please, don’t kill me… I want you to hurt me stronger! I need you to hurt me stronger!

I’ll not go anywhere since I’ve heard something about you…
I miss you and it breaks me
Sally.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

”Bon appetit”, as they say in France.

Aunt Shirley told me you loved France as you loved Germany and England. Are they the three countries you love, or is there some other countries? Now you’re away, I start to discover that I don’t know you as your mom does. You always told me I had my verry own way to know you… we were partner in crime, things like that… I would like to know the other you too… I want to know you all… If you agree… I want to be more. I love your criminal part, and I know I’ll love everything else. So… think about it, since we’re not together… you’ll be able to answer, once you’ll get back to me.

I told Aunt Shirley I worried about you, I thought you were mad at me. She said it’s only for a time, she said it’s nothing. I think it does not matter, if that’s only for a while, I’ll be okay. If you need to be away, be. I don’t want to stop you. I love you, so I’ll wait. It doesn’t matter if I’m hurt. You know I can bear it, as long as I know I’ll see you again.

I’m waiting for you, as long as you want.
Sally.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

Good Afternoon, Lord Whispers.

Aunt Shirley told me you may want to see us all, wherever you are. I’m not good at drawing, but I’ll try to send you a photo. I hope you can see Léa. She miss you as Aunt Shirley miss you. Soon, I’ll send you Ginny’s face. Then, it’ll be Auntie, and Uncle. I’ll send myself at last. I hope it doesn’t bother you. I want to let them first, because they are you’re family.

I didn’t eat since yesterday. I’m not even hungry… Aunt Shirley called the doctor after the tea. He is supposed to come soon. I know I’m not sick. I just miss you. I wish you’re there to tell her. She never listen to me… I feel like she hate me… She threw the tea on me, as I refused to drink it. It was burning, and I damned myself. You’re the only one to hurt me… It has to be this way… I shouldn’t let her do this. I’m sorry… I feel so bad about that. So, I wear my strap, the ones with pikes. It hurts. I feel the hot blood flow on my arms. It reminds me the time I spend with you. It’s good. I’m telling myself it’s a part of you into me. I start to sounds like you… that’s what they say. Is that because god heard me? Am I on the way to become an angel? I’ll never thank you enough…

Please, come and keep leading me to sanity.
I miss you.
I love you.
Your dear cousin and partner in crime,
Sally.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

Good evening, my love.

As I promised, there is a picture of your little sister, Ginny. She miss you, I guess… she’s never talkinh to me… she always seems to hate me. I think she sees me as “the girl who stole her parents”. She’s a human, after all, and it’s not bringing parents attention… they pretend she’s a mistake, as everyone else is Donoew, even my mom and my dad. She have to feel kinda lonely… but she always try to flee the conversation, when we talk about you. I saw her cry in Léa’s arm, as I was bringing my dishes in the kitchen. I heard your name… but I’m not sure it was about your missing…

I spend my day jailed again. You’re not there to protect me anymore, so I’m afraid… Ginny want to invite her friends at home, as I understood. But Aunt Shirley think I’m too dangerous, even though I swore to keep myself quiet in my room. “Too mush risk”. You know her, don’t you? I’m sad about her… that haven’t to be easy to live like a normal girl in a weird family.

I hope you’re okay. And I hope you can see her.
I love you.
Kind regards.
Sally.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum

Good Night, My Love.

As you can see, I put a picture of Auntie Shirley with my text. So, are you glad to see your mom? She miss you more than everyone else but me. She’s always talking about you, and she watch me as if I were you, with her sweet eyes. She’s always telling me “you look like him” and “I miss him” and “May I hug you? I mean… I would like to hug my poor sleepy son”. Everyone is missing you. Everyone loves you. And I miss you more and more, because I am not, if you’re not there to make me be.

I love you and I want you back. Please, don’t leave me alone… I don’t want to spend more night alone, awake, thinking about how bad you are… how bad you feel… I don’t want you to die… I don’t want to lose you… please… I love you, Roydon, like I’ve never loved anyone, like I’ll never love anyone.

No one is missing you as I miss you.
I love you so mush.
I want you back.
Sally.

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Good Morning, my love.

I looked for a picture of my uncle, but I couldn’t find it out. Aunt Shirley told me that we hadn’t your dad on picture. She told me he hated to be taken in picture. But I can’t trust her… I don’t know why… I’ll ask Uncle today, to take a picture. You may need to see your daddy’s face. I can do this for you, as you did everything for me, every time. If this is the missing piece, if this is the reason why you can’t wake up… I’ll not forgive myself not to think about it earlier.

What ever. I didn’t sleep, this night, once again. You wasn’t there. I was not able to feel your touch. Can you trust me, when I say all the scratch disappears? There is nothing left, not even pain! I miss you, and I need new scratch, new evidence on my skin, proving I try to get better. I may be a monster, but you promised… you’ll make me an angel, will you?

I’ll try and give you this picture, I swear on my life.

I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else.
I madly want you back.
Sally.

Codage par Libella sur Graphiorum